I don't knwo whether to be extremely relieved or suicidal that I finally found this site. On one hand it is fantastic to finally hear a single person sound liek that have any clue what I am talking about. On the other hand, it is extremely depressing to know that now that I have found this, I have found that no one has a cure for me. Anyone else feel cursed? In a world where we can clone humans, and cure inimaginable diseases with seemingly unstoppable scientific technology, we have been given the disease that no one has a clue for.
I never did any LSD, seems like this HPPD thing is at least a cause for some people, but I still don't have that answer even.
Just to be sure I have found people with my condition, I basically see what I had called static of color across my field of vision. It is permanent, whether eyes are open or shut. Sounds liek what everyone describes but when I looked at those simulations I noticed it was moving and all white. I dont notice any movement in my static its just there, and its is colors.
From this point on I want to tell my story, because I have read all of yours and I am glad to know that people read and respond because at least knowing you aren't the only one is some kind of consolation.
Like some of you have said was your case, I just woke up one day when I was about 16 and noticed the static. Scared? Of course, but blame it on being a pisces, or a hypochondriac, or an indifferent fool, I was both too scared to find out what it was, and too hopeful it would go away if ignored to see a doctor about it. Around the same time I started getting very disoriented and off-balance. I couldn't go to school because i would feel off-balance and when people talked i could hear them but it was all surreal and i couldnt really stay attached to my surroundings. After a score of doctors not finding anything wrong, and an MRi coming up clean, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I was skeptical about this diiagnosis to say the least. I felt liek I was on the verge of becoming mentally incapacitated and they say I am stressed and neeed to talk to a psychologist about my problems!?
Well I went through therapy, and xanax and paxil, and eventually the anxiety symptoms calmed down and life resumed, but static came with me.
Boom, now appraoching my 23rd birthday, 2 months ago 'anxiety' symptoms are back with a vengeance. Worse then the first time and now I know it wasnt a one time thing but a chronic condition. So this time I decide to get rid of all problems I've ignored, so as to get rid of any doubt that there is another cause. You guessed it, I went to see my eye doctor. And as I am now used to doctors saying, he didn't knwo, and reffered me to a retinal specialist, who didnt knwo and refferrred me to a neurologist who I have yet to go see because I don't see the point.
I am concerned ebcause I also think the static may be getting a bit stronger as of late. I canno tbe sure, because it has been so long and so subtle. However the subtlety doesnt diminish its rpesence, it is almost all i can think about and it has me runnign to my xanax bottle all day if you knwo what i mean.
has anyone heard of a case of this either going away, or on the other extreme, becoming so strong that it has taken over the vision. In other words is there record of anyone gone blind from this or not being able to see through the static because it gets so bad? That is my biggest fear i suppose.
I can handle this I think if it will jus tbe this forever. I would take this over cancer or AIDS and I am thankful to not be in that kind of pain, but the chaos this creates in my life and my mind is uncontrollable and the fear that comes with it makes me sometimes not even functional. I know you all understadn this and I am so sorry for every one of you. I go from angry to self pitying to hopeful back to angry and that alone drives me nuts. I just dont want to lose my vision any more than I have.
Please. Resond to any or all of what I ahve said. Hearing someone who understands talk directly to me about all of this would be very meaningful.
My name is Bob.
I never did any LSD, seems like this HPPD thing is at least a cause for some people, but I still don't have that answer even.
Just to be sure I have found people with my condition, I basically see what I had called static of color across my field of vision. It is permanent, whether eyes are open or shut. Sounds liek what everyone describes but when I looked at those simulations I noticed it was moving and all white. I dont notice any movement in my static its just there, and its is colors.
From this point on I want to tell my story, because I have read all of yours and I am glad to know that people read and respond because at least knowing you aren't the only one is some kind of consolation.
Like some of you have said was your case, I just woke up one day when I was about 16 and noticed the static. Scared? Of course, but blame it on being a pisces, or a hypochondriac, or an indifferent fool, I was both too scared to find out what it was, and too hopeful it would go away if ignored to see a doctor about it. Around the same time I started getting very disoriented and off-balance. I couldn't go to school because i would feel off-balance and when people talked i could hear them but it was all surreal and i couldnt really stay attached to my surroundings. After a score of doctors not finding anything wrong, and an MRi coming up clean, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I was skeptical about this diiagnosis to say the least. I felt liek I was on the verge of becoming mentally incapacitated and they say I am stressed and neeed to talk to a psychologist about my problems!?
Well I went through therapy, and xanax and paxil, and eventually the anxiety symptoms calmed down and life resumed, but static came with me.
Boom, now appraoching my 23rd birthday, 2 months ago 'anxiety' symptoms are back with a vengeance. Worse then the first time and now I know it wasnt a one time thing but a chronic condition. So this time I decide to get rid of all problems I've ignored, so as to get rid of any doubt that there is another cause. You guessed it, I went to see my eye doctor. And as I am now used to doctors saying, he didn't knwo, and reffered me to a retinal specialist, who didnt knwo and refferrred me to a neurologist who I have yet to go see because I don't see the point.
I am concerned ebcause I also think the static may be getting a bit stronger as of late. I canno tbe sure, because it has been so long and so subtle. However the subtlety doesnt diminish its rpesence, it is almost all i can think about and it has me runnign to my xanax bottle all day if you knwo what i mean.
has anyone heard of a case of this either going away, or on the other extreme, becoming so strong that it has taken over the vision. In other words is there record of anyone gone blind from this or not being able to see through the static because it gets so bad? That is my biggest fear i suppose.
I can handle this I think if it will jus tbe this forever. I would take this over cancer or AIDS and I am thankful to not be in that kind of pain, but the chaos this creates in my life and my mind is uncontrollable and the fear that comes with it makes me sometimes not even functional. I know you all understadn this and I am so sorry for every one of you. I go from angry to self pitying to hopeful back to angry and that alone drives me nuts. I just dont want to lose my vision any more than I have.
Please. Resond to any or all of what I ahve said. Hearing someone who understands talk directly to me about all of this would be very meaningful.
My name is Bob.
