Yuku free message boards

You aren't alone as you already know and all I can say to console you is to never give up. I know you contrasted yourself to a blind person and are still going crazy over your VS but many people here, me for example, have had VS for many more years and know what vision they had before or know what is normal. It is that pitfall from the top of the mountain that connects us all. We once had good vision. We once had perfect or even near decent lives. Then this "thing" started bombarding us left to right without any relief, as if it would torture us even in our afterlives. I have a retinal disease that is gradually getting worse. I am losing my detail vision and blindspots are appearing everywhere. Then there is this electron cloud that keeps buzzing in my face incessantly and I sometimes want to do something drastic, not do a crime against others, but one against myself, like jumping off a cliff. My parents work at a pier over the Texas coast and frequently I think of jumping down into the brown muddy water and staying down their in a sort of euphoric state until everything finally ends. I hear stories about people who leave their cars running in the garage and sleepily going back to bed, only to never wake up again from Monoxide poisoning. I thought that would be the perfect and most painless way to end it all. But my will to live surpasses everything. Everyone has the will to live, it just needs to be searched and found. Yes I have probably been a little too influenced by the themes that a lot of Anime run on but I can safely say there is also something inside me that tugs me from passing that line into insanity. Its all about the will. Last year I was downright depressed and made many of my suicidal thoughts then. After a year all I hear is about how George Bush is defiantly banning stem cell research but how billions of dollars in California and everywhere else as well as internationally is being spent to research stem cell research. This is for my retinal disease and may even cure my VS but the VS is not the main factor that is driving me insane. I don't think it should be for you either. A cure will come in time. Just have a little faith in the medical sciences. You have just as much will if not more than I do and I don’t want to hear about you going crazy before I do with me being worse off as it is.

I hate it when people tell me "at least you aren't a starving child in Africa" or "Be happy with what you have and don't complain because there are people less fortunate then you." It is true that there are many people worse off then me, but that doesn't justify me not wanting to be normal and meeting some decent standards. If your parents were immigrants and had a harder life in their previous lives, that doesn’t justify them or other people telling you that how well off we are should be gauged by what they lived through. That is totally ridiculous to me. If they only ate tree bark and grassroots, should I be content with eating stale bread and potatoes everyday? People come to America to have decent food and decent lives. I know everyone’s opinion is different over what is normal or what is decent but here is where standards rise and thing should become granted, not touted as a burdensome privilege. People escape to America to gain that grant, not to make it a privilege. We aren’t pigs or lazy bastards (well, most of us), we just want higher standards and the conscience to not have to worry about if the water is safe for drinking or if there is enough food in the pantry for the weekend.

I know how you feel and the snow is driving you just as nuts as all my vision problems combined. I may sound like I am contradicting myself by telling you that I am worse off than you but then saying we are equal based on differing standards, but I am vouching for both. I am using the previous paragraph to show how adamantly I defy the whole “don’t take everything for granted” logic. Good vision is a standard and should be a standard. Anything worse than it is worth grieving over. We have that in common. However, in the case of going in a negative direction, as in going psycho or losing hold of the world and committing an irreversible crime, I think the reactions and the willpower and endurance should not be equal amongst us. This does defy my belief but I think it is the only exception. Guess what? There WILL be someone worse off then you and there WILL be someone who has had the same thoughts but has chosen the will to live normally and to survive. Unless you are absolutely sure no one else has got it worse off then you, there is no way you should be stepping out of your place in line to run to the front.